Who's Going To Love You When Your Looks Are Gone?

The publicity still at left, from some movie that was panned horribly by NPR this morning while I showered, begs several questions:

1. Why is Harrison Ford ageing at triple the rate of the rest of us?

2. At what point in his career did Harrison Ford decide that he was going to stick to only one emotional note in his acting from that point forward? And why, of all the single emotions he might have picked, did he choose "disgust"?

3. Nick Hornby's High Fidelity asks whether Stevie Wonder's early greatness is overshadowed by the horridness of his work since the early eighties. We can pose a similar question about Harrison Ford: is the early cool he brought to Han Solo and Blade Runner and Witness washed away by the sheer awfulness of his work ever since?

4. There are at least two, and as many as three, cell phones hooked onto his belt. Given what we know about people who have multiple cell phones, and what we know about people who attach their cell phones to their belts, and what we know about Harrison Ford, who would possibly want to see this movie?

5. Consider again the picture above, and -- this is more an ontological suggestion than a proper question -- just look at all the veins. Isn't the human cardiovascular system amazing? And wouldn't it be cool if Harrison Ford were a human?