5.15.2008

Movie Reviews

You know what I did this week? I saw a movie. In an actual movie theatre.

The movie was not a good one. I wanted to see Iron Man, but was swayed by a so-called friend to see Redbelt instead. Redbelt is David Mamet's karate movie and was not good. (By Midwestern evaluation norms, "not good" is a notch below "pretty bad.")


I have seen no more than four movies in theatres in the nearly two years since the twins came home to us, so bad movies are a particularly bitter dissappointment. The two beers I had afterwards -- in an actual tavern! -- and the discussion with Chris about what made that movie so not good only partly made up for having wasted a perfectly good opportunity to see a decent movie in an actual movie theatre.

Kirsten has suggested that we get sitters for Friday night, and go see Iron Man. As a person whose interest in literature, comic book, and film put me squarely in the "geek" category of nerd taxonmy, I've withstood the lure of the Iron Man movie for about as long as I can without developing a stress fracture, and I'm lucky to have a wife who understands and indulges me.

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On Tuesday night, as Kirsten was finishing her book-club read of J. Lethem's The Fortress of Solitude (an abolute fave of mine, and totally for and about lit/comic book/film geeks, by happy circumstance), I watched Away From Her, which from both a flim and story perspective, was devestatingly sad and beautiful. Highly recommended for the emotionally prepared.

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Here's a tiny review of Redbelt, extra-small so that it won't burgle your time as it did mine:

The Guy from Dirty Pretty Things/American Gangster/Talk To Me/Children of Men is the dojo of a jiu jitsu parlor in South L.A. He’s very honorable, which the film suggests means being naïve and super nice to people, and he has a sexy Brazilian wife who is sexy and from Brazil. (You know she’s from Brazil because A) she’s sexy, B) she wears shiny green dresses and listens to samba, and C) she is constantly talking about being from Brazil.) He also seems to have trained all of the cops in L.A. who are all very athletic, do not have mustaches or body fat, and who affectionately call The Guy “Mikey.” In a convoluted David Mamet kind of way, Mikey ends up saving a famous actor in a bar fight. Here, Tim Allen (the voice of Buzz in Toy Story) is essentialy playing James Woods, and to do so he seems to have bloated up his neck and face with booze, and become both pasty and splotchy at the same time, which is how you know he’s supposed to be James Woods. (It may be worth $9 to see Tim Allen play James Woods, but it’s not at all worth two hours. Also, there are times were you begin to wonder if this isn’t James Woods playing Tim Allen…) Anyway, Joe Mantegna (who may be played by Chazz Palminteri) is Tim Allen’s manager or producer or some sort of Hollywood halfwit, and for totally unclear David Mamet reasons he cons Mikey into fighting in a pay-per-view Unlimited Fighting Championship. Mikey doesn’t want to fight in this because he’s honorable, so he has to be tricked and betrayed into doing it, and then once the pay-per-view show starts he’s shocked – SHOCKED! – to learn that the whole thing is fixed. Mikey decides he’s going to jiu jitsu everybody involved in the pay-per-view so that he can get to the microphone over the center ring and announce to all the mouthbreathers who’ve payed $39.99 to watch 9 hours of Unlimited Fighting on their televisions that, unbeknownst to them, their Cheeto- and Cathode Tube-based lives are but the gelatinous by-products of a late-period capitalism that has begun its tail-swallowing decline through self-consumption. Of course, no one, including his wife and Joe Mantegna and other fighters on the bill want him to expose their lies, so he has to fight them all without ever going into the ring or on TV, and when he’s beaten them all the whole auditorium applauds and they give him the gold belt that they were supposed to give to the winner of the whole pay per view, and an old Brazilian in the audience bows to him because he is honorable. This was a big dumb Jeanne Claude Van Damme movie with some occaisionally smart Mametian dialogue, or -- perhaps -- the reverse.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

What a compelling review. I can't wait to see Tim Allen play James Woods. I love how he is so versitile. What I'd really like to see though, is Tommy Lee Jones playing Greg Kinnear.

While I normally shy away from movies that derive from comic books. However, I am happy to say that I did see Ironman. By a fortuitous stroke of good forture my it happened to be the most palatable selection at the one an donly movie theater in Aspen a couple of weeks ago. While it didn't hurt that they served beer in the theater, I have to admit to really liking the movie and now am looking forward to the inevitable sequel. Robert Downey Jr. played the role of the alchoholic superhero to a tee.