You're Jamming Me

Americans don't exist until they have appeared on television. I've come to this philosophic conclusion based off of years of studying the Today's shows weather segments, commericals for local news, and reality TV shows. (I've also learned that Al Roker sometimes unintentionally channels Daffy Duck, professional actors pretending to be loyal local news viewers value "truth" and "ackerate" forecasts (sic), and that our country is younger and more attractive than one's own observations would suggest.)

Anyway, prompted by Joel's comment about The Capture of Bigfoot in response to Quid Pro Quo below, I thought I'd catalog the ways in which I might exist. (The following list omits the few times I was actually on film/video in favor the times I might have been.)

There is a possibility that I am included in the movies Major League (1989) and Mr. 3000 (2004), as I was in the stands of County Stadium and Miller Park, respectively, as parts of each were filmed.

Damien, son of Satan, runs down my grandfather's Lake Geneva boat dock in Damien: The Omen II (1978). His military school was played by St. John's Academy, just one division over from Nana and Papa's summer house. (These are my Mom's parents; my Dad's parents lived in Alexandria, Minn., a small town that Bob Dylan exhorts Bono to visit in order to see the "Real America" in Chronicles: Volume One. I'm not so sure, as Wikipedia shows that as of 2000 A.D. the town was 97.94% white -- probably not very emblematic of the nation.)

The documentary Man in the Sand(1999) includes footage of aNew York City concert by Billy Bragg that I attended at Irving Plaza when he was just starting his Woody Guthrie project. Although I doubt anyone else could, I can hear myself laugh during the premeire of the song "Ingrid Bergman." There's also footage from the Governor's Island Guiness Fleadh -- I was there, too.