Christmas Books 2008

Jacob Marley and Me
John Grogan

A heartwarming book in which a wealthy but spiritually bankrupt author is visited by the spectre of the author's loyal but disobedient Labrador retriever, presaging Christmas night visits from The Ghost Dog of Important Life Lessons Past, The Ghost Dog of Important Life Lessons Present, and The Ghost of Important Life Lessons Future. At the emotional but uplifting conclusion, the author realizes that lightweight memoirs about one's dogs are are just the sort of thing America no longer needs.

Cold, Fat, and Jolly: Why We Need a Toy Revolution—And How It Can Renew Christmas
Thomas Friedman

The New York Times columnist who didn't win the Pulitzer Prize for Economics argues that, due to climate conditions and a lack of supply chain innovation, the elf-led toy creation in Santa's Workshop is headed towards global irrelevance. Friedman finds private shipping ventures to be faster and more reliable than reindeer, who are often unable to get toys to children until last minute Christmas morning. And while elves historically made high-quality wooden toys, their unfamiliarity with plastics and electronics suggest an emerging obsolescence, unlike the cheaper, faster, and highly educated labor available in places like Bangalore, India.

Twilight Before Christmas
Stephanie Meyer

A young adult novel in which abstinent and therefore moody teenage vampires refuse to have either sexual or vampiric relations with petulant yet beautiful teenage girls who totally want to do it with them.

Silver Bells!
Malcolm Gladwell

The author conveys some hastily drawn anecdotes, building an argument by example that seems to suggest an approach to life that will make one both rich and happy, except then it doesn't. In this case, Gladwell argues that the best Christmas presents are ones that come from the heart. Just as Outliers contains a stunningly fact-free reduction of The Beatles into four kids who tried really hard, this book posits that Jesus was just all right.