2008 Democratic Convention: The Drinking Game

What you'll need:

• Several bottles of your favorite beer, wine, or spirit.


• A stack of dollar bills (you can get these from Elliot Spitzer or any U.S. Bank).


• Four days off work.

How to play:

Generally, any sort of pandering or reliance on catchphrases or soundbites is worth one drink each. Meanwhile, genuine human moments or excellent campaign strategy (read: pandering, but really GOOD pandering) should merit a one dollar donation to the party's general campaign fund. Gaffes (or reminders of gaffes) merit the removal of one dollar from the donation fund, or its reallocation towards booze.

Important note: Each day of the convention will have a particular theme, as noted below. Any overt reference to that day's theme, regardless of speaker, should result in one drink.

Scoring:

Monday (“One Nation:”):

Jimmy Carter:
• Mentions God, farming, or Rosyln: 1 drink
• Filled with righteous fury: donate 1 dollar
• Mentions Reagan, rabbits, or malaise: remove 1 dollar

Michelle Obama:
• Calls candidate “Barry”: 1 drink
• Performs a fist bump: donate 1 dollar
• Says that this is the first time she’s felt pride in her country: remove 1 dollar

Tribute to Ted Kennedy:
• Footage of John, Bobby, or John Jr: 1 drink
• Genuine testimonials from the Massachusetts working class: donate 1 dollar
• Mentions Chappaquiddick: remove 1 dollar

Tuesday (“Renewing America’s Promise”):

Hillary Clinton:
• Says the words journey, road, fight, unity, or women: 1 drink
• Whole-hearted and warm endorsement of candidate: donate 1 dollar
• Fails to endorse Obama: remove 1 dollar

Mark Warner, Keynote:
• Mentions unity, red/blue, the economy, or jobs: 1 drink
• Makes absolutely no reference to terrorism: donate 1 dollar
• Mentions John Edwards: remove 1 dollar

Wisconsin Governor Jim Doyle:
• Mentions choice, public schools, or Milwaukee: 1 drink
• Mentions the failure of No Child Left Behind: donate 1 dollar
• Mentions state pension fund in relation to state debt: remove 1 dollar

Wednesday (“Securing America’s Future”):

Bill Clinton
• Mentions Hillary, the economy under his administration, taxes, or fair trade: 1 drink
• Slyly suggests that we need to restore dignity to the office of the President: donate 1 dollar
• Suggests current economic situation may have something to do with his policies on NAFTA or free trade with China: remove 1 dollar

John Kerry
• Mentions swift boating: 1 drink
• Makes audience laugh: donate 1 dollar
• Mentions duck hunting, wind surfing, or latte drinking: remove 1 dollar

Bill Richardson
• Speaks in Spanish: 1 drink
• Has shaved his beard: donate 1 dollar
• Discusses amnesty for illegal immigrants: remove 1 dollar

Vice Presidential Candidate TBD
• Mentions honor, work, economy, or specific policy: 1 drink
• Is from a swing state: donate 1 dollar
• Reveals history of shock treatments, an embezzling husband, or an inability to spell “potato”: remove 1 dollar

Thursday (“Change You Can Believe In”):

Al Gore:
• Mentions environment, emissions, Earth, or the year 2025: 1 drink
• Find yourself wishing he was like this in 2000: donate 1 dollar
• Uses PowerPoint: remove 1 dollar

Barrack Obama:
• Mentions Hope, Change, America, Kansas, the economy, war: 1 drink
• Mentions an inhabitant of Florida, Indiana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Mexico, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Virginia: donate 1 dollar
• Mentions Hawaii, Indonesia, Muslim/Islam: Remove 1 dollar