Continued Mostly Dark Tonight Turning to Widely Scattered Light in the Morning

I'm a modern man, a man for the millennium: digital and smoke free. A diversified multicultural postmodern deconstructionist -- politically, anatomically, and ecologically incorrect. I've been uplinked and downloaded. I've been inputted and outsourced. I know the upside of downsizing. I know the downside of upgrading. I'm a high tech lowlife, a cutting edge state-of-the-art bicoastal multitasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond.

I'm new wave but I'm old school, and my inner child is outward bound. I'm a hot-wired heat-seeking warm-hearted cool customer, voice-activated and biodegradable. I interface from a database, and my database is in cyberspace, so I'm interactive, I'm hyperactive and, from time to time, I'm radioactive. Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, riding the wave, dodging a bullet, pushing the envelope.

I'm on point, on task, on message, and off drugs. I got no need for coke and speed, I got no urge to binge and purge. I'm in the moment, on the edge, over the top, but under the radar. A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart bomb. A top gun bottom feeder.

I wear power ties, I tell power lies. I take power naps, I run victory laps. I'm a totally ongoing bigfoot slam dunk rainmaker with a proactive outreach. A raging workaholic. A working ragaholic. Out of rehab, and in denial.

I got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant, and a personal agenda. You can't shut me up, you can't dumb me down, 'cuz I'm tireless and I'm wireless. I'm an alpha male on beta blockers. I'm a non-believer and an over-achiever. Laid back but fashion forward. Up front, down home, low rent, high maintenance. Super-size, long-lasting, high definition, fast-acting, oven-ready and built to last.

I'm a hands-on footloose kneejerk headcase, prematurely post-traumatic. And I have a love child who sends me hate mail. But I'm feeling, I'm caring, I'm healing, I'm sharing. A supportive, bonding, nurturing primary care giver.
My output is down, but my income is up. I take a short position on the long bond, and my revenue stream has its own cash flow. I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds,I watch trash sports. I'm gender specific, capital intensive, user friendly, and lactose intolerant.

I like rough sex. I like tough love. I use the "F" word in my e-mail, and the software on my hard drive is hard core, no soft porn. I bought a microwave at a mini-mall. I bought a mini-van in a mega store. I eat fast food in the slow lane. I'm tol-free, bite-size, ready-to-wear, and I come in all sizes. A fully-equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically-proven, scientifically-formulated medical miracle.

I've been pre-washed, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped, vacuum-packed, and I have an unlimited broadband capacity. I'm a rude dude but I'm the real deal. Lean and mean. Cocked, locked and ready to rock. Rough, tough, and hard to bluff.

I take it slow. I go with the flow. I ride with the tide. I got glide in my stride. Drivin' and movin', sailin' and spinnin', jivin' and groovin', wailin' and winnin'. I don't snooze, soI don't lose. I keep the pedal to the metal, and the rubber on the road. I party hearty and lunch time is crunch time. I'm hanging in -- there ain't no doubt -- and I'm hanging tough.

Over and out.

George Carlin, 1937-2008