Prologue: To Catch a Predator

Dateline NBC returns from a commercial break. We see that Stone Phillips has been speared through his manly chest and that Anne Curry has been nailed to the Dateline desk with weird alien ninja stars. Gasping for breath (because he’s Stone Phillips, but also because he has a spear embedded in his breastplate), Phillips attempts to recap the previous segments of that night’s program.

Stone Philips: Tonight on a special “To Catch a Predator,” our Chris Hanson takes on a brazen mission to actually catch a Predator. Initially, it took the help of the team from Perverted Justice to discover just what sort of predator they were up against.

VIDEO CLIP:
Chris Hanson and the Perverted Justice Team have a fake teenager tied to a chair in the back of the Perverted Justice Wagon. The teenager is smeared with dirt and grime, and her bangs hang over her eyes.
Hanson: Yesterday. What did you see?
Haggard Woman from Perverted Justice: You’re wasting your time.
Hanson: NO MORE GAMES!
Fake Teen: I don’t know what it was. It…
Hanson: Go on.
Teen: It changed colors, like a chameleon. It uses the Internet!
Hanson: You’re saying our pedophile is a lizard? That’s psych-out b.s.!

Philips: (continuing) They would soon learn that the predator they sought was – actually – a Predator.

VIDEO CLIP:
Chris Hanson – shirtless and holding a hunting knife – stands in a jungle clearing.
Hanson: (shouting to the distance) Come ON! Do it! DO IT! Kill me! I’m here! Do it NOW!

Philips: (continuing) With the help of Perverted Justice and a woman who looks and sounds like a twelve-year-old girl, Hanson set up a sting to catch the Predator by booby-trapping a goat carcass slung from a banyan tree in the middle of the jungle. While this tactic got results, they may not be what you’d expect.
Anne Curry: (afraid and whispering) It’s killing us one at a time.
Philips: Like a hunter...
Curry: (passes out from pain and/or fear)
Stone Philips: Here again, Chris Hanson.