The Names

All will be revealed.

Tomaz & Zamot, Ollie & Stan, Abbott & Costello, Arm & Hammer, Bubble & Squeak, Robin & Maurice, Rinse & Repeat, Gilbert & Sullivan, Horn & Hardart, Cheech & Chong, Trinidad & Tobago, Falcon & Snowman, Gin & Tonic, Sears & Roebuck, Ben & Jerry, Flotsam & Jetsam, Cut & Paste, Fife & Drum, Pete & Repete, Barnes & Noble, Calvin & Hobbes, Strunk & White, Proctor & Gamble, Fluff & Fold, Batman & Robin, Currier & Ives, A & W, Terrance & Phillip, Jeeves & Wooster, Stand & Deliver, Marx & Engels, Dungeons & Dragons, Bangers & Mash, Dewey & Truman, Harvard & Yale, Rowan & Martin, Funk & Wagnalls, Illiad & Odyssey, Bow & Arrow, Hammer & Sickle, Mortar & Pestle, Coat & Tie, Jack & Bobby, Black & Decker, Globe & Mail, Ali & Frazier, Lewis & Clark, Tango & Cash, Fish & Chips, Tudor & Stuart, Simon & Garfunkel, Mason & Dixon, Harry & David, Burr & Hamilton, Plug & Play, Jagger & Richards, Lea & Perrins, Over & Under, Green Eggs & Ham, Hall & Oates, Macaroni & Cheese, Ant & Grasshopper, Barnum & Bailey, Hatfield & McCoy, Sense & Sensibility, Baseball & Apple Pie, Dean & Deluca, Sacco & Vanzetti, Call & Response, Nuts & Bolts, Masters & Johnson, Feldman & Haim

Golden Earring

(At left: Snakes on Air France!)

This weekend, we shall attend Bastille Days in Cathedral Square Park, always my favorite Milwaukee festival. Wine, music, and the opportunity to eat the legs of indicator species. If you go, keep a watchful eye out for the evil assassin life-sized puppets.

Oh, and that screaming that comes across the sky? That's the Thunderbirds, for the Air Expo.

There's also the South Shore Frolics this weekend.

If you attend any of the events, try playing hipster bingo. It will also be important to be up on your mullet taxonomy.

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Someone should revitalize the Twilight Zone again. I know this happens every couple of years, but I think we could all use a weekly fantastic/eerie anthology series with nice moral messages tucked in at the end. The Twilight Zone is kind of like yogurt-covered pretzels -- not neccessarily good for you, but a lot better than the crap you're eating now. If you buy the rights and assemble a production company, I will happily provide several ideas for the show.

Twilight Zone Idea No. 1:
(Conjuring voice of Rod Serling, "Imagine if you will...")
A reknowned but aloof black baseball player (Barry Bonds, essentially) is up to bat in the last inning of regular season play. A win in this game gets his team into the play-offs, and he's at a full count. At the final pitch, we hear the crack of the bat and the ball sails off towards the modern, full-screen scoreboard. As we watch, the scoreboard morphs into a 1950's style scoreboard -- box scores without the bells and whistles. Somehow, our player has traveled fifty years back in time, and now finds himself the only black player on an all-white team. To put it simply, Barry Bonds becomes Jackie Robinson. In order to return to his own timeline, our player has to take the 1950's team into the play-offs, despite the lack of harmony among his team and within the larger culture. In the process, our player discovers his real responsibility to community and fans and history.

I've got more.

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Also check out The Green Lantern Theory of Geopolitics.

And, from the World Cup final, all the Zidane headbutting funnies you'd ever need.

Finally: RIP Red Buttons, who never got a dinner. (He did get to costar with Lynda Carter on Wonder Woman, however...)

Happy Independence Day

Information Unavailable to the Mortal Man

Some notes from Summerfest:

We saw Paul Simon on Saturday night, who performed "The Only Living Boy in New York," a semi-obscure song off Side Two of the Bridge over Troubled Waters record. I used to listen to Side Two over and over again on my Sears hi-fi system in my bedroom, when I was 12 or so and just beginning to understand depth in pop music. It recently turned up on the soundtrack to the (recommended) movie Garden State, which is apparently why it's turned up in Simon's setlist.

Surprise, by the way, is a good record. Though it's not quite Ryhthm of the Saints or Graceland, it's a darn site better than You're The One or Capeman. Certainly, Brian Eno's contributions are interesting and worthwhile.

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Last Thursday, we saw (or mostly heard, and kind of saw) Elvis Costello and the Impostors, with guests Allen Toussaint and the Crescent City Horns. Because of the horn section, Costello played several songs which -- like Simon's "Only Living Boy..." -- I would never have expected to hear live. "Clown Strike," for example, is from 1994's quite excellent Brutal Youth, but I'd never much cared for that track until last Thursday. Though I've yet to hear it, the many performances of songs from the recent Costello/Toussaint record sounded very promising. One of their final songs, "Sharpest Thorn," has really stuck with me, as has the unparalleled FUN of dancing on picnic tables, whereby the wooden planks flex and rebound beneath one's feet. Particularly recommended following several weiss beers, a corn dog, and the "popcorn crawfish" from Heaven City/Q BBQ.

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Hey, Literati: Snakes on a M*th*rf*ck*n' Novelization!