6.13.2006

We're Number 46!

But we'll always be Number 1 in our hearts...

According to, um, bizjournals.com, there are only 45 American cities smarter than Milwaukee, WI.

Of 53 cities rated, it turns out we are totally smarter than: St. Louis, El Paso, Baltimore, Philadelphia, Detriot, Cleveland, and Miami.

I'm convinced our rankings would have been much higher if we hadn't been so totally hung-over on the day of the test. Math is HARD, ya'll!

Here's your "Smart Cities" leaderboard, as well as explanations for why they outperfomed us:
  • Seattle, WA (1). Coffee; overachievers.
  • San Francisco, CA (2). Bunch of book-readers.
  • Austin, TX (3). Results skewed by Willie Nelson, known supergenius.
  • Colorado Springs, CO (4). Seated next to Seattle, kept "dropping pencil." Total cheaters.
  • Minneapolis, MN (5). Took a Kaplan prep course; parents are loaded.

A final message for the 45 cities that think they're so damn smart: We are first in binge drinking, and no one can take that away from us.

Or, at least, we can't think of a way anyone could take that away from us. Please don't take that away from us. It's all we have.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Denver is #14, running almost neck and neck with Boston. With all of those schools I would have thought Boston would have been ranked higher.

Brian Hinshaw said...

But, anonymous, people go to school in Boston, and then carry their smartness back to places like Denver. The actual people who live in Boston are pretty dumb, as evidenced by their mistaking the term "wicked" for "very much so," as well as their complete ignorance of the "ARR" sound. (No pirates ever came from Boston, natch.)