Monday's Still The Weekend To Me

An article by CNN/Fortune suggests that I am freaking brilliant: "What scientists have only recently begun to realize is that people may do their best thinking when they are not concentrating on work at all." If anyone would like to hire me to not concentrate on work at all, I'm available starting at, say, $40,000 per annum plus bonuses. I offer a long history of not concentrating, both in my professional life and at home. Some examples:

• While a temp at an insurance company in the early '90s, I had to be let go because I was mismatching applicants with their policies, mostly because I wasn't paying attention. Rather, I was doing my best thinking.
• A former boss used to demand that I make eye contact with her when she made requests from me, because I had a history of answering her without remembering that we'd spoken. This is because I am such a great thinker.
• I have a mental block on all marital requests involving laundry. Again, due to thinking well.
• I forget -- or rather, don't pay attention to -- people's birthdays, anniversaries, religious holidays, major life events, and exisiting interpersonal communications technology because I am super busy with all the thinking.

References by request, or you might just find stuff on the internet. It would be great, too, if I could not concentrate on work at all from home. Or, perhaps, from the delightfully named "Google campus:"

Google's headquarters in Mountain View, Calif., is a famously laid-back place, replete with lap pools, massage rooms, pool tables, free haute cuisine, and loads of other stress-reducing amenities like onsite dry cleaners and hair stylists.

Now that sounds like the kind of place were a guy could really think...